Extracts From An Unfinished Novel

I caught the bus in a nick of time! I heaved a sigh of relief as i boarded it because i was already running late. I was kind of angry with myself that i had spent an extra ten minutes in front of the mirror. But i figured i still would have done it. Afterall, it an important evening today. Clutching the roses i had, i had a quick glance at my watch. It read 9pm. I could probably reach Karen's house in about half an hour. Well, i had to admit it, i probably looked pretty stupid holding a bunch of pink roses and trying hard to ignore the sniggerings of the other passengers. So, i kept looking out of the window in hope they will find something new to gossip about.

The sky looked a shade of red and i thought i heard a sound of a rumbling thunder in the distant. But nothing could distract me. I was so excited! My mind raced back to events in the afternoon. Karen had finally called me and told me she wanted to meet me tonight at her house. I was overjoyed because we had been quarrelling the last few weeks and total silence since. So, i suppose you can say i was both happy and relieved we were talking again and i could not wait to see her again!

As the bus waddled through the traffic, my thoughts drifted to when we first had our first date. Even though i was only eighteen then, I knew she was the one for me because whenever i held her close to me, she fitted so perfectly in my arms. Everything around me seem to fade away when she was with me. It was as if the world has gone all silent except her sweet voice. All the buildings, all the scenery will somehow fade to black and white with only her beautiful face in full colour and radiantly beautiful.

I almost missed my stop but somehow i managed to press the bell in the nick of time. I quickly got up from my seat and rushed to the exit door. I muttered a quick apology to the bus driver sheepishly, who must be really annoyed with me. I was sure it was the uniform and his sense of duty that all but prevented him from coming out of his seat and strangling me.

As i walked towards the familiar block, i could definitely hear the ramblings of an impending storm. The winds were gathering speed and the leaves were rustling nosily in its wake, seeming to tell the world that a storm is about to be upon us.

As i reached the void deck, i saw Karen in a distant, standing beside the lift, waiting for it to arrive. I smiled so wide till my dimples made craters on the moon seem small. I hurried towards her, all the time keeping the roses behind my back. My heart was pounding really hard and loud. I wondered why it did not wake the neighbourhood.

I was no more than ten feet away from her when suddenly, out of the corner, a shadow appeared and hovered towards her. I momentarily snapped out of my europhia, as i followed the movement of the shadow. As the shadow moved closer to her, i heard the words, "You left your handphone in the car."

In that moment, Karen turned around and immediately gave her all so lovely smile. "Oh thank you so much dear" she said. "i totally forgot about it". Then they kissed.

No one saw me, for as the lift door opened, she went in quickly, waved goodbye and he turned round and left. I had no idea how long i stood there. It felt as if i stood there forever. I could feel my entire body numb. The only thing that i felt moving was my heart and it was sinking right down to my feet. I never thought it was possible, so i guess that clears any doubts when someone says their hearts sank to their feet. It really does.

I froze or i felt time freeze anyway. Everything turned silent! I could not hear a single sound. I felt a million thoughts entering my head all at once but i could think of nothing. I just stood there, staring at the lift, watching the lights changing as it reached each floor.

I had no idea how long i stood there, not that i cared. Finally, i felt as if i had woken up from a really bad dream and i could hear the rustling of the wind again and the sounds of cars whizzing by the main road. I did not know what to do so i just turned around and walked back to the bus stop.

As i walked on, a gentle drizzle began to descent ever so softly and as i looked up, the raindrops seemed so beautiful under the orange glow of the streetlights. The cold wind was really blowing now as the raindrops gathered in speed and velocity. It was just as well it rained, i thought to myself. I think the heavens knew how i felt because it was also about that time too that the floodgates opened and i could not tell if my face was wet with tears or from the drizzle. I walked ever so slowly to the bustop as the rain poured down under the cold quiet night.


It only seemed like yesterday when i just got to know your name,
Like a rose in full of bloom, like a child who knows no gloom.
And all the time that we have spent, they are all but memories,
And even though how hard i try, i could never say goodbye.

Cause i just could never let you go,
And leave me here with memories,
But life.......must go on,
But i hate to face the day now you are gone.

But i know that someday, i will be alright,
And time would heal all those hurt i feel inside,
As i walk along, alone, away from life's bitter memories,
Picking up the pieces is all that i can do.

-Extracts from An Unfinished Novel

Saturday!

Today's the SIM bowling tournament at Marina Square! Kelvin and myself had a great time! I was still under the weather a bit and Kelvin prayed for me just before we went to the bowling Alley! Very nice of him! He's such a nice guy! I wish others can see how great a person he is! But i am sure in time, people will see what a cool dude he is. See, that is what i mean by being a daily testimonal to everyone else. People can see and no words are needed to tell he is a nice guy!

Well, it was kinda fun to meet many other colleagues who u normally have no chance to meet. Naturally, not many have heard of ETP. =P

Well, as i was driving today, my mind kept thinking of the previous blog i made yesterday, about how i would like to live my life! As i was driving, i suddenly felt afraid that what if i cannot do what i said i want to do? What if i fell short and someone read my blog and then "suan" me! I dunno if i can take it well! I think i will be so disappointed with myself! Haiz!

Well, my answer to those thoughts were " I am still gonna do it! No lukewarm, halfway, compromising way!" Its going to be a challenge and i know there will be times when i will be weighted down and i know there will be moments of tiredness etc etc! But i believe if we are walking closely with God, He will always be there, holding our hands and guiding our paths.

Well, its a long day for me and kinda tired actually! Israel plays England tonight in the Euro Championships and of course my 100% support goes to nation with the anthem "God save the Queen". =) Go England! It's raining really heavily now!

Okay then, Thank God for the wonderful day He has made!

He's our great and loving God!

Praise God!

Amen

How close is your walk?

Well, after Eureka session tonight, i went home, thinking about what we learnt today. Eureka course in my Church is smiliar to that of Alpha Course where new Christians and non believers gather to listen and get to know about who Jesus is. I was helping to facilitate and to help answer questions that the new Christians and non believers might have.

Well, in truth, i always thought i benefitted alot from this as i myself feel strengthened by the Word of God. I had a long thought about my earlier blog i had posted this afternoon and about what we discussed in Eureka. Here is what i concluded:

I believe that our everyday lives should speak testimonal for ourselves as Christians. I remember a sentence i read somewhere. It said "We should preach the Gospel at all times. When necessary, use words." At first, i did not understand it but then i realise what the sentence was saying is that people see you and your actions and behaviour and they should reflect God's holiness in you. That you should be an example of how a Christian should be.

I know i have fallen so short cos not everything i do is correct. I am far from perfect definitely. But i rejoice in the fact that i can acknowledge that i have fallen short and i want to do something about it. =) I want to live my life as an open book. If someone tells me i am a hyprocite or how i am this and how i am that, i totally welcome it! Sometimes i am blind to my own faults and sins and if someone points them out, whatever their intention, i should be grateful as i can reflect and see the errors of my ways. I know i have definitely a long way to go but i am starting!

I have backslided for the last 7 years and if there is anything i can learn from this time is that:

1. You have to go Church every week
2. You have to do QT, read God's word everyday
3. You have to go for every Cell Group
4. You have to pray everyday!
5. You have to be a testimonal to God each and everyday, be it at work, home or at play.

Yup, for the last 7 years, i did neither of the above! And it took God's great love for me to see how my lifestyle back then was totally wrong! Believe me when i tell u i had a hundred reasons for not doing the above! hee hee.

Previously i used to believe the following:

1. I can be a good Christian and not go Church regulary. Sunday, worship at home can le.
2. No need to go cell group lar...I already know about Jesus and God. Fellowship no need lar.
3. QT-have time then do lar. No time do tomorrow lor. Simple as that!

Well, I rejoice in the fact that i was able to see why it was all so wrong. I still stuggle at times but it has become a priority for me. I recall what my principal in Saint Andrew's always told us "Start the day right with God and the day will continue to be right!"

So, the fact is this is the priority of my life and i intend to make it so. My family comes next, then friends, then career and others. I guess not many people share my priority in life. Its not a MUST of course! Afterall, everyone is different but for me, its something i feel very strongly that i ought to do. My personal belief is that this is how i ought to live my life as Christian. "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you"

I believe if you put God first, God who so loves us so much, will provide us with anything we need! If we humble ourselves before God, asking for His help and confessing we cannot do anything without Him, God will surely bless us and we will be able to do everything, for it is written "The meek shall inherit the earth."

So i guess it puts life into is perspective. Maybe that is why i say i am an oddball because when we become Christians, we do not see things like how the world sees it. Maybe my close friends are non Christians so they tend not to see things the way i see it. But i try not to judge and i know i shd never ever judge for it is written "Judge not lest ye be judged" So with my friends, i tend to be carefully not to say anything negative but if i have to say something, it should be out of love for them and not because i want to scold them or anything like that. =P Maybe i will have less friends? hahaha =P

Let me share something with you! I used to be like this when i was in Army! Yup! I was like how i am currently. So i keep asking myself how someone who believes this so much and so strongly can actually stop going Church, stop saying grace and stop praying for the last 7 years? Looking back, i cannot believe it myself. What happen? What the heck happened?

Well, bluntly put, i fallen waywards and let worldly things be more centred in my life than God! Yup, i dun know how but somehow, somewhere, i fell into temptation and without even realising it! Thus, you will know why i said it is only the Grace of God that i am brought back to the flock! The Shepard found this lost little sheep and carried this lost sheep on His shoulders back to the flock! Praise God! How can one not be lost in wonder? How can one not be lost in love? Its because of Jesus' unfailing love, i am forgiven! I am restored!

Praise God!

Amen

Its Friday!

Today over lunch, someone commented on something interesting. The question is "What does BIBLE stand for?"

The answer is "Basic Information Before Leaving Earth". I found that very interesting.

As i look back at myself one year ago, i know for sure that i have changed. I have changed alot and sometimes, i can hardly believe how i used to live my life. Not that it was bad or anything, but it was not the kind of lifestyle that i would want to live, actually. I could not see it then but looking back, i could see i have strayed off the path and unto rocky roads by the side. What alarms me is not my lifestyle but how i failed to see what was wrong with how i was living each day.

I like to blog at times cos it gives a chance for people who know me to understand me a little more (if they want to lar) and i just enjoy the opportunity to say what's on my mind! of course i have to be a little tactful when it comes to situations but nevertheless, i try to give the truth as best as i can. =)

That's how i hope to live my life! Transparent for all to see and as truthfully as i can. Its not easy in this day and age and even more difficult in the workplace. I was wondering why no job description in the market today has this for a creteria "Must wear mask to work everyday" Or maybe its a given fact cos i see everyone putting on a mask everyday at work. Well, i too! Yup, i know i do at times and i always felt gutted afterwards! I always hated to wear a mask to work! But the truth be told, if you do not wear a mask, u are probably never going to climb very far. I think it is true. Really! if not, why are so many people wearing different masks every day?

So, i am trying not to wear masks to work or anywhere if possible. I am going to give it a try! The reason why i am doing this is because i feel its so meaningless and pointless not to be yourself! Not to mention very tiring! haha =P I think people tire themselves out from wearing masks than anything else. Its difficult being someone you are not! I know that cos i too have been wearing masks in the past. I will not even start on playing politics...haha....that one even more cheem! lol!

Guess my perspective of life is different! I thank God for His Grace! I know He cares and provides for us. Its sometimes difficult to understand or see how good our Lord is but He just is. I do not claim to understand it all the time but i always remember very strongly a message God told me and that is to Trust and Obey! I still struggle here and there but not as bad as previously.

I wonder to myself why am i an oddball? It seems i am so different from everyone else. I see people getting all worked up over work, deadlines, meetings etc and while i understand the importance, i wondered why are they placing so much emphasis on them? It was like if the work is not done, deadlines are not met or meetings not chaired, your whole life is wasted. So it is THAT important and it is why it is RIGHT for them to get so worked up!!!!! When i mean worked up, i mean they scream at people, be difficult, rude etc etc.

So my question is "Is that so?" Really ar? it's that important huh? Well, i guess to some the answer is YES! hee hee! Well, i think most people would say yes.

I am not trying to change anyone's view of anything. In fact, i sometimes ask myself if i am just being plain lazy and that i am hiding behind all these reasons(excuses) for not wanting to work harder and work longer. haha! I dunno leh ! But I dun think i am leh. I too like my work to be of high quality and it gives me a sense of accomplishment as well. I too have been brought up to always strive for the best. If u reach your goal, set another one and aim higher and higher! Maybe its Singapore's culture ba! Kiasuism too strong. We are all afraid to lose out! I feel there is so much more to life than chasing the coporate ladder! So so so so so much more! =)

Haiz....see, now u can understand why i am the oddball! I think rather differently from others. Sometimes too differently.

I wonder does it matter if u earn 10k a month but you do not know the Lord? Does it matter if u are a millionaire but u have not known Jesus? Do u think anything matters if you do not know God?

Anyway, that's my thought for today!

Give thanks to God! He met us halfway by sending His only begotten son so that if anyone of us believe in Him, we will not perish but will have everlasting life! God loves us. I think your life would make a world of difference if you know who God is. I really think so! =)

Praise God!

Amen

My Vacation

Yup yup yup, went on a road trip to Malaysia over the weekend with Clinton, Alice, Lenny and Jennifer! It was a long time since we had a road trip. It was all the way back in 1998 when we went on a road trip in Australia! We drove from Melbourne to Sdyney and finally ended up in Gold Coast! Those were the days!

Well, driving up in Malaysia is a first of many things for me. Well, it was

i) My first road trip there
ii) My first time driving there
iii) My first time driving at abour 140km/h. hahaahaaa....

Clint's Toyota Vios was manual and it took me a while to get used to it! I actually put into gear 2 when i was supposed to reverse and i forgot to step on the clutch when slowing down. Tell tale signs of a automatic driver. But its like learning to ride a bike, u never forget!

Well, we set off at 6am in the morning and we had Mc Donald's breakfast, courteousy of Miss Tjam, who was kind enough to heat them up before leaving home.

The journey in Malaysia was filled with puns, sun and tons of fun! haha! I cannot understand sometimes how the Malaysian do stuff but me and Clint sure found it funny(not haha funny but kaoz funny) I shall elabourate on one incident to prove my point!

The last time we went to Malaysia, we stopped at Baskin Robins(BR) and we wanted to have ice cream. So here was the conversation, roughly:

Me: Hi, we would like to have some ice cream

BR : Okie, how much you want?

Me: I would like to have 2 scoops please

BR: Sorry, we run out of 2 scoops.

Me: huh? Okie, then what do u have?

BR: You can have our 3 scoop then.

Me: Wait wait! So, u are saying u run out of 2 scoop but u can give us 3 scoop?

BR: Yes, sir!

Me:......................

Anway, take a trip to Malaysia and experience the wonderful stuff. Trust me, it will tickle u non stop! I picked up a few new words like Lobby( spelled Lobi in Malay). Wouldn't life be simpler if we just adopted spelling like Malaysia? Its simple and to the point! lol!

Okie, besides a fun trip, the down side was i fell sick on Sunday itself and i needed to rest till Wednesday! Well, i am feeling much better and going back to work tomorrow! Sigh! I wonder if my mailbox has flooded? Sigh!

In a nutshell, it was a really enjoyable trip and the consensus was we should do this more often! I thank the Lord for blessing this road trip and being with us and yes, i had to skip Church last Sunday but i will be back this Sunday again! Its weird to skip service these days and i am glad i felt that way! hee hee! I do hope to plan one that does not coincide with a Sunday. That would be cool!

Praise God!

Amen!

Partying Time!

Yes yes, Wednesday evening got on to a fab start with dinner at Sizzlers at Suntec with a couple of friends from work! The morning, i got lectured by "someone" who i was trying to help! I felt a little upset initially cos i was trying to cheer the person up! Really i was!

Honestly, if i had not known the person well, his or her name would be off my Christmas list this year for sure. But i guess it may have also been my fault cos i didn't express what i wanted to say well and that person was like fuming as it is. Well, such incidents can only make one closer? u think? Hmm....i think so! haha =)

Yes, Jac is expecting her second kid! Just got to know it over dinner! Really so happy for her! Children are God's blessing to us! As she talked abt kids and all, i can sense a radiant and a glow that comes from her. She's feeling excited and happy as well.

Well, why the title partying time was for the first time in years, i stepped back into the night scene! It happened to be Ladies Night at Double O and i must say no wonder ladies love to go there. Free cover and free flow of house pours! Heck, i would have worn a skirt and put on masccara if i had to! But the cover charge was $25 for guys.

Well, nudged "ever so gently" by Jen and Nic, i found myself driving towards Mohd Sultan, a place so familiar yet so remote to me. haha! Its been so long! I felt so out of place initially but i guess something never gets lost. Its like riding a bike, never mind if u are rusty, u will always remember.

So, for me, a little uncomfortable at first but the familiar atmosphere, the chocking cigarette smoke, the crazed charged hormones, the curves....(hahaha) brought back memories. hee hee! Sigh! Yes, i was quite the choingster back then! Does that surprise u?

Anyway, Kelvin was also gently nudged to go and it was his first time! hahaha! So i ordered for him his first Burbon Coke and his first Barcadi Breezer! His very first time!!!!! hahah! He's ever the gentleman! I wondered why he is still single! Its so rare to find someone who still holds on to the "old code". U know, ladies up the bus first, take care of them. Well, he's one of the rare gems, apart from me also lar of course.( Wei, dun make that face i tell u! Its true! Just ask anyone!)

Well, i guess it must be an exciting time for Kelvin but for me, it was okay lar. I have had wilder ones and we had to work the next day so we left at the height of the night! But thankfully, i still had a great time and 2 gorgeous ladies for company. I was told they would look even more stunning after a few rounds of drinks. Well, i had only 2 drinks cos i had to drive but they look fabulous enough to make any guy blush! haha =P then again, maybe it was the alcohol talking...haha =P

Jen can really hold her drink well. Not a trace of red on her face whatsoever! Guess that's why she's the leader of her group! haha! Nic can also hold her drink well i guess. Maybe one day i should put them to a limit test, see how far they can really hold their drink! muhahahaha!(rubs hands in delight with evil grin...hee hee)

Err......In case u were wondering, no no no! it is not so i can take them home okay! Aiyo! I am not like that okay! Chey!!! I am not okay! No No! Absolutely not like that!.......(phew, hope that will throw them of my scent. Hope no one saw thru my plan....)


Anyway, it was a fun night! Too bad we had to go off so early cos the party has not even started! If they had played retro music, u can be sure i would be on the dance floor. But i need a few drinks to "encourage" me to take the floor. I dance horribly i was told but heck, everyone would do too if they had drinks all night! haha!

Okay, so we left at around 11.30pm and i drove Nic and Kelvin back. I would have driven Jen as well actually. But alas, she stays so far in never never land! Still, i was still contemplating but that would mean the other 2 would reach home really late and there was work tomorrow. Haizzz....

Yup, it was a fun night and yes, it rekindled lots of memories. Well, who knows, i may just go again! haha! We will see then!

I gave thanks to the Lord for the wonderful day He has provided. He knows i struggle with lot of worldly things. Temptation was all around. I could see that! But thank Him for his faithfulness and love for me. I am not the lost sheep i once was. Praise God!

Amen

Oops, i did it again!

In case you were wondering, no, no, this is not a tribute to Britney Spears. I wonder where she is now though. I do like her very much. I missed the bus again this morning. lol! 2 times in a row! So, i was all set for another adventure. I took the MRT this time with my mum. Actually, the journey is not too bad. You get to see everyone doing their own thing.

Its often interesting to look at people. I often wonder where they are going, what are they thinking. Why some looked so sad, sian and bored while i was sure some of them looked as if people owed them a lot of money and have not paid up. =P

Isn't life just wonderful! Imagine i am only on an MRT train, in the small city of Singapore and already its so amazing to witness what God has done. I am reminded of the scene from American Beauty where we watched a plastic bag being tossed and blown with the wind. I remembered the quote was "Have you ever seen something so beautiful that it overwhelms you and it chokes your heart so tightly that you are unable to breathe?"

Back then, i could not understand that but i do now. I really do. You see something so beautiful that you are so filled with awe and emotion that it chokes u and u have difficulty catching your breath! That's how i feel when i see life! The sheer beauty of a kid going to school or couples going for a date and the elderly being greeted by their grandchildren. Its so beautiful that it chokes me.

Everyone is always rushing somewhere. Everyday. Every time. If you could, if you really could, stop and smell the roses along the way. Life will pass you by in a flash. I sometimes think about all this and sometimes i tell God that He has made this world so beautiful that i am going to miss it so so so much when i leave this world eventually. I told Him i cannot bear to give up all this beauty and everything wonderful. I usually despair at moments like this. The feeling i get is like when u know you got work the next day and someone ask you to go clubbing the night before. You will feel like, aiya, no point what! What's the point when i got to go work the next day? Dun feel like going. Pointless! Meaningless. Right? Agree? (For those who like to chiong?) haha =P

Yup, i feel like that sometimes about life. Why is life so beautiful but it cannot be forever? However, i remember praying one day and i believe God told me not to feel sad. He said He has promised us eternal life many many times more beautiful than life here. He said do not worry about tomorrow for everyday has its own worries. He said again that by worrying, could i add even one more second to my life?

Trust and obey and you will know I love you was the message i get. I often wonder as kids, when our parents give us something to eat, we dun suspect or fear that poison may be given to us. I dun think anyone feels this way, right? We all trust them so much that the thought that they could harm us was like impossible. So i wonder why do we have so much faith and trust and love for them? I mean, when strangers give us food, we look and say "Er....nvm, i not hungry. u go ahead ba" haha! =P

So, i think what God is saying that if we trust our parents so much, how much more will our loving Father in Heaven provide for us. Who has asked their parents for help and they send a snake to bite them? So, i am comforted by His promises and He has a place for all of us if you will trust and obey. Jesus himself said this to the thief, who asked that he be remembered, when they both were on the cross. "I promise you, today you will be with me in Paradise."

So, quite an adventure for me today huh? Just a MRT ride and i can have so much to say. Maybe it is me! haha! Yes i know, i am weird. Deviation to normal. Hopelessly emotional perhaps? haha =P

Oh yeah, to complete the story today, i alighted a Clementi MRT and i was wondering which bus to take. I smsed Cindy and bless her, she responded very quickly. However, i was like trying to figure out which bus stop and where to walk to but thankfully i met a really sweet angel at the bus stop and she guided me to work! hee hee! Thanks angel! =P

Yup, that's all from me today. =)

I am lost in wonder,
I am lost in love,
I am lost in praise forevermore,
Because of Jesus unfailing love,
I am forgiven, i am restored.

Amen.

What a morning!

I woke up today as usual and was running just a little later than usual mornings. Nevertheless, i still had time to do my daily routine without much fuss. When i came downstairs and went to my car, i realised the windscreen was cracked. Something or someone had hit the windscreen and the line was pretty long. I had no choice but to replace it and if it is insured and with any luck, i would only have to pay $100. Sigh, have to probably trouble my dad to see to it.

Well, my dad drops me off at Bedok Central to wait for the company bus in the mornings. As i arrived there, i knew something was wrong cos i did not see any of the usual familiar faces. True enough, a kind elderly indian lady came and told me the bus has left like 5mins ago. I looked at my watch and i knew i was on time. The bus came way too early. I was going like "hmmm, what a way to start a Monday morning!" I quickly smsed Nicole to confirmed if the bus had indeed left.

So, i had to take a cab to work and i reached here at 8am and it cost me $17.80! And true to Monday blues, i only got $50 note in my wallet and the taxi driver told me he had no change. I was like great! Just great. So, i ask him to wait and i went up to my office to see if i could find any money lying somewhere! hahaha! There was no one in as it was so early and nope, there was no money lying around, except for some coins at Denphie's table. So i went around to approach the cleaning lady, begging for some small change but no one had. The taxi driver was still waiting and i was like panicking. Come to think of it, i dun know why i was so anxious. The taxi driver shd be more anxious than me actually.

Anyway, i said a quick prayer and i thought maybe i can go to the ATM to withdraw some money. I rushed out, and i met this new HOP from Science and Tech walking and i wasted no time to ask him for money!haha! Thankfully, he had small change and i could finally go down to pay the taxi driver.

As he drove off after i paid him, i then thought to myself "okay, that's settled. Now to pay back the HOP. So, i went to the ATM to withdraw $20. And true enough, on the screen were the words "The machine can only dispence $50 note". I was like "Come on! Kaoz! Wah Liew! Give me a break!"

At that time, i paused, closed my eyes, prayed and gave thanks to the Lord. So, i decided to go to the canteen and buy something. I felt sheepish to buy a packet of sweets like 50 cents and pass the uncle $50. So, i decided, might as well make the best of the situation. I bought drinks for my entire department, including the nice HOP who was i think also too paiseh to say "no" to me cos he saw the desperation in my eyes. Maybe he was afraid i would rob him or something with my body language! haha!

Thus, ends the morning adventure! There's still my car issue to be settled but oh well, its been a hectic and eventful morning! I am glad some of my colleagues were thankful for the drinks. Cindy said its exactly what she needed. I was glad i was able to make someone's day! =) Oh yeah, and i finally received Nic's sms reply. hahahaha. She said the bus has indeed left early.

I decided to blog this first cos when i opened my email, i really regretted coming work today! Lots of stuff waiting but i thought i did take some time to stop and smell the roses and blog this!

Okay, back to work and i ask the Lord to continue to bless this day and everyone!

oh yeah, one more thing. After all this, i had a tummyache and the reason i am blogging this is just as i was about to unbuckle my belt in the toilet there was NO TISSUE paper at all! Wau lau, imagine if i was like halfway.....kaoz! and to make things worse, none of the cubicle has. Someone has stolen all the tissue paper. I was thinking if i had to, i will have to sneak in the ladies toilet but giving the kind of morning i am having, i probably would enter the ladies and find some lady would be adjusting her bra or something etc in front of the mirror and she would scream! haha...(thankfully, there was still some left at the handicap cubicle at the end of the men's toilet)

haha, okok, back to clearing work! It looks like its going to be a real busy day! sob sob! =(

But thank God for this is the day that He has made! =)

I found this article to be very inspirational.

Is it possible for me to lose my salvation?

It's been nearly 2,000 years since Jesus Christ personally offered forgiveness of sins and eternal life. Of the millions who have accepted His offer, many have found the peace and joy of knowing they have a secure relationship with their Lord and Savior. Others, however, haven't felt as secure. Some routinely struggle with confusion and uncertainty, wondering if they've lost their salvation in Jesus Christ because of something they have or have not done.
It's a frightening and tense place to be in when you are uncertain about where you stand in your relationship with Jesus Christ. Understanding the basis and the nature of salvation can eliminate much of the uncertainty that some Christians feel regarding their relationship with Jesus Christ.
The Bible stresses that salvation completely rests on trusting in Jesus Christ's death on the cross as full payment for our sins ( John 3:15-16,36 ; Romans 3:22-24 ). Faith alone is the basis for our salvation. It is not based on our own merit or performance ( Ephesians 2:8-9 ; Titus 3:4-5 ), nor is it based on the amount of our faith. It is the object of our faith that matters. Trusting in Christ (not anyone else, including ourselves) brings salvation. A strong sense of security settles in our hearts as we realize that while we are the fortunate recipient of God's grace and mercy, we are not responsible for earning it. It's free!
Additionally, the Bible teaches that we are eternally secure when we solely trust the Lord Jesus Christ as our Savior. This is the eternal and binding nature of the salvation that Jesus grants. Jesus said that He gives us eternal life and we shall never be lost. He declared that no one can take us out of His or the Father's hands ( John 10:27-30 ).
In the same way, the apostle Paul wrote that those who have trusted in Christ for salvation are eternally saved. He stated, "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" ( Romans 8:1 ). He went on to say that absolutely nothing can separate us from God's love ( Romans 8:35-39 ). So then, according to the Scriptures, we can confidently believe that we are eternally secure if we have placed our trust solely in what Christ accomplished on the cross as full payment for our sins ( John 5:24 ; 1 John 5:13 ).
If we could somehow lose our salvation in Christ, then Jesus and Paul would be liars since they both described the gift of salvation as eternal ( John 3:16 ; Titus 3:7 ). Eternal means that it never ends. Our salvation is permanent. In other words, once we are saved, we are always saved.
God doesn't give us the gift of eternal life and then take it back if we are bad. Our eternal security is not based on our ability to be good or perform, but on the promises of God ( John 3:16 ). Moreover, any attempt on our part to say that we can somehow earn and maintain a secure relationship in Christ is an affront to God. It strips Him of glory and lessens His remarkable offering of grace and mercy to an undeserving world.
Although we never lose our salvation in Christ, we can lose the enjoyment of close communion and fellowship with our heavenly Father. For example, when my daughter sins against me, it temporarily hinders our ability to be close and enjoy each other's company. But even though all is not well between us, she never ceases to be my daughter. The same is true for those of us who have trusted Christ as our Savior. Whenever we sin against God and put distance between ourselves and Him, we are still His children who are secure in His love. That is why in Luke 7 Jesus told the sinful woman whose faith had saved her to "go in peace" ( Luke 7:50 ). She could rest and not worry about where she stood with God. That relationship was eternally secure.
We will sin as Christians, and our sin should grieve us. But it shouldn't take us by surprise. The apostle John said, "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us" ( 1 John 1:8 ). Most importantly, there is no sin we could commit that would cause us to lose our salvation. The apostle John added that God is willing to forgive all of our sins if we confess them ( 1 John 1:9 ). He didn't just mean the total amount of our sins, but the various kinds of sins as well. In other words, God forgives and cleanses us from every kind of sin possible. His mercy has no limits.
Dan Vander Lugt

My birthday!

Well, well well, today is my birthday! Time seems to have a habit of flying really fast! Nolstagic is the word i want to use today. I recall celebrating my 8th birthday! I dunno why but i could remember a little! It was not really a happy birthday cos the other kids kept wanting to play with my presents.

Then i recall my 21st birthday! It seems like yesterday only! I recall talking to this girl l really liked back then at 12am downstairs at my swimmimg pool. haha!

Well, here i am, standing at the crossroads of life and only then did i realise why the saying "Youth is wasted on the young". Indeed, looking back, there were indeed many things i could have done and indeed there were many things i took for granted.

I often lie down in bed and i asked God if He could make it possible that when i woke up, i would be 21 again! haha. Well, God knows my heart and he knows my thoughts. Silly as they may be, God knows so might as well share my silly thoughts here. hee hee

I would ask myself what things i would have done differently? Would i be a different person? Would i still be who i am today? Would i have chosen a different career, different relationships, different friends. Would i have been happier then?

Dun ask me why i think what i think. As they say, Piesces have their heads in the clouds and they are day dreamers, hopeless romantic and very emotional people. Well, i would have to say, yes, yes and yes to all the above. Nevertheless, i tried to change, to make myself less emotional.

Back when i was in the Army, i tried to hide my feelings. Dun care so much was my motto. The less u cared, the less u will be hurt. I tried but i guess i am kidding no one. How could you not put everything or give everything you have for something or someone you loved?

That's the irony of love. The more you give, the more u expose yourself. The more love you give, the more vulnerable you are and when someone hurts you, you find that there is nothing you can use to protect yourself and u take the full brunt of it! Some people are so afraid of being hurt again that the have this defence mechanism all built in. Thus, they never give too much, as they are afraid they would open themselves up and risk being hurt. They have learnt their lessons and no no, they are not going to do that again!

My answer is, that's sad! Cos if u never give it your all, you can never experience what love is all about. You sow little and i tell u, the rewards will be as much as u sowed! Then someone came and told me "How can i not be hurt? How can i love fully but yet not be hurt?"

Well, the answer is no! Unless you give it all, you can not receive it all either. But giving all means u will be at your weakest, your most vulnerable. But strangely, how often you hear of love making someone so courageous, brave and eveything that does not seem to associate with vulnerability. That's the irony. To be the strongest, you have to make yourself the weakest.

God says that His strength is made perfect in our weakness. When we are helpless and totally in need of his strength, that is when we realise we are strongest. Love is the greatest! Love the Lord your God and love your neighbours as you would yourself.

Well, i am a hopeless romantic, really i am. I try hard not to show it. I love walking in the rain, those light drizzle and it seems so romantic when it rains at night and under the orange glow of the street lights, the world seem so beautiful! The cold breeze that brushes your face, the sound of rain and the smell of the wet grass. Its beautiful!

Well, i used to write poems, mostly sad ones and it takes a really depressed person to write something beautiful. Haha. Yup, the irony. I believe the most beautiful poems or songs written are by sad, depressed people. I really hated to feel miserable back then! I really do, which was why i told myself i will never, ever write beautiful poems again because i never wanted to be sad all the time. I never smiled back then. I was always moody, depressed and sad. I dun think anyone who knew me back then or anyone who knows me now for the fact, can hardly believe how i am today and how i used to be last time when i was younger. So, i sometimes wonder did i really change or did i force myself to become someone i am not?

Hmm, maybe i shd think about that. I think i can read people very well. But i can never understand myself at all! I know by simply talking to the person once or twice if he or she would make a good friend. I can! i just can! I can tell if this person has good character! =)

Okay then, enough for today!

Praise God! I am lost in wonder, i am lost in love, i am lost in praise forevermore! Because of Jesus unfailing love, i am forgiven, i am restored.

Amen.